Walking with an Ikigai

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Footsteps Conversations
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Walking with an Ikigai
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( I suggest you listen to the audio after reading this post)

I’ve just woken up from a lovely dream. I was in a favourite garden with all my friends. The sun was shining, and people were enjoying themselves. People I cared about were laughing, eating, and celebrating something good. The energy was high and the feeling was good. Life felt great and with lots of meaning and connections.

I come back to the present moment. It’s raining again, with the usual grey skies this summer is giving us. Once upon a time, this weather would have sent my spirits spiralling but no longer. I lay in silence listening to the rain and my energy is high and I feel such a sense of gratitude because of where I had just been in that dream. I thank the Universe for the life I have now and the people in it.

Every day I wake up I feel the same. Waking up and then getting up was once difficult for me. When you are in the grip of deep depression everything is weighed down by treacle, a heavy force that keeps you trudging through life. It’s exhausting; your senses are numbed and your energy is almost empty.

That has all been flipped on its head. It took years, about three amazing pieces of luck or miracles. However you wish to look at it, for me to arrive here where I am today, I have truly found my Ikigai.

Let me introduce you to the book ‘Ikigai- The Japanese Secret to a long and happy life.’ This work researches the human experience but crucially what it takes to live a long and happy life. This post is not a book review, this would almost miss the point. Instead, I want to digger deeper as to why having an Ikigai (a purpose for living) is so powerful.

I was talking about retirement recently and what that looks and feels like to the individual. There is a huge amount of evidence to say that retiring isn’t a positive thing to do, quite the opposite. I think we can all recall hearing of how one person retires one week, and they are dead by the next. Then we can look at the examples of working until you are in your 90s with such a powerful sense of purpose, Sir David Attenborough springs to mind and you might want to read the example I give here.

It depends on what you mean by retirement. To have liberation from having to work for money is an absolute gift that most of us would admit is one goal we would like to aspire to. To have a pension or passive income streams are two such golden gateways to freedom of time.

 One marker of wealth is to have the freedom to choose what you do with your day according to Morgan Housel in his book ‘The Psychology of Money’, which I am now reading. Freeing up time gives you the space to think about the activities you do that give you the most pleasure. However, what truly is the driver of longevity isn’t about pursuits of pleasure but activities which give contribution, growth, service and a sense of community.

The book Ikigai can be summarised in the following ways:

1) People who enjoy the longest and happiest lives have a strong sense of purpose.

2) Their relationships with people within their families and communities are high.

3) They move daily, and their lives are busy and full. Often their exercise is not intense but prolonged with gardening high on their list of activities as they grow their own food.

4) They eat a diet largely based on fruit and vegetables, protein and reduced meat consumption.

5) They practice Eastern traditions of gentle movements, including Tai Chi and meditation.

6) They find a state of steady focus and flow in everything they do.

7) They have learnt the art of resilience and managing stress.

The researchers of this book interviewed people from all over the world and named five areas called Blue Zones where the population had all these traits.

They are: ( the audio quotes the precise reasons behind each area. Forgive me for the pronunciation if it’s said not quite correctly)

1) Okinawa, Japan,

2) Sardinia, Italy

3) Loma Linda, California

4) The Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica

5) Ikaria, Greece.

Going back to the day job, the book breaks down Ikigai into four areas which are placed into overlapping circles. This is the opportunity to ask yourself where you sit within these circles and to be honest with the answers. It also allows you to ask some further questions. These could be challenging for you if you don’t want to hear the answers you give back to yourself.

Look at these categories:

Passion: what you love

Mission: what the world needs

Vocation: What you can be paid for

Profession: What you are good at.

To have all four of these is truly I believe the elixir to life, the Holy Grail and the running water that quenches your deepest desires.  To have a job that embraces all these things is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and the world.  It doesn’t have to be all paid work either, serving a church community or voluntary work are all valuable and many people interviewed in the book did such community work.

Sadly, many people are forced into the fast lane, a world where money has to be King because of the cost of living and because we are taught by the news and social media to compare, envy and feel dissatisfied when we think we fall short. This drives us into jobs we hate just for money, getting stuck on a treadmill of existence and getting by. The rinse and repeat of getting up on a Monday morning and knowing that you must do it all over again with no end in sight.

But what if you could break free from that?

It’s not easy but the subtle shift has to start with you. One leap of faith, one action, one opportunity, one new habit and one sprinkling of hope are the keys which can unlock many doors.

One of the most influencing things about pain is it is one of the mightiest and strongest forms of good. It is an emotion you never forget, but if you can move away from it ( knowing the energy and courage it took to move away from it) this will never leave you. I’m not talking about the pain of grief and losing a loved one here. That’s a different type of pain. I am talking about the pain within yourself because of the need for change.

I remember my greyest of days back in the winter of 2010. I asked myself what had I done to have ever deserved this. I felt pity towards myself. Pity is the most wretched feeling in the world, and I believe the worst feeling of all. At that crossroads you have a choice, give up, or carry on. I looked around me and went outside. I pulled up a weed and then another one. It was the start of a long journey that has me writing here today, doing what I do. My Ikigai has never been more powerful.

Was it hard to change my world? Yes, there are no shortcuts. Did I have setbacks? Yes, many. Did I have breakthroughs through consistent effort and the drive to keep going? Yes, and when they came, they tasted like the sweetest of honey. Did I lift myself out of depression? Yes, but depression is like a healed scar. You are vulnerable and you know when you must put on the brake to put in some self-care. There is always a risk you could end up back in the treacle and not the honey. I am determined never to be in the vat of treacle ever again.

It’s 09.00, the rain has stopped, and the day is starting. I’m thankful and glad to be alive ( see last week’s post) and I want to live a long time because there is much I have missed out on and still much to do. I will be sharing more about how I am trying to keep physically as healthy as possible, but I do believe health starts in the mind.

As one of the greatest mentors in human growth and development, Jim Rhon once said,

“When your why is big enough, you will find a way to know the how.”

Until next week…..

References:

@ Audio Extract from Chapter one ‘ The Art of Staying Young While Growing Old’, page 12 of ‘Ikigai, The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life,’ Hector Garcia, Francesc Miralles, Penguin Random House, UK 2016

Here is a link to the book itself.

How do you want to be remembered? a reflective walk.

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Allow me to introduce you to Sarah Hare, the youngest daughter of Thomas Hare, a family that has lived in this area since the 1500s.

I’m back at the Holy Trinity Church of St Bardolph, Norfolk close to where I live. I never knew she was tucked away here in a large, dark wooden cabinet, yet wanting to be seen. I expected her to be lying down but no, she wanted to stand up, as if death hadn’t defeated her.

( The quality of the photo is interfered by the glass reflection. I tried different angles and this one was the best.)

Yes, you will see something quite unusual, and the only funerary figure outside of London. She is kept in memorial in wax with her real hair, grimy hands, dirty face and piercing eyes, almost with a spookiness about them. She had given instruction that she wanted to be preserved in wax and her face was probably a life-or-death mask as she had died of sepsis from a needle work injury, at the age of 55, on the 9th of April 1744. She wore her own clothes and the red cloak was particularly striking against her damask gown.

As I stared at her, I tried to get inside her head as to why she would want to be remembered this way which poses a question.

How do you wish to be remembered?

 The theme for this week’s post is immortality, life and death. This might sound a bit heavy as the dark wooden chest Sarah is placed in within this family crypt. However, far from this post’s theme sounding morbid, this one is full of living and here’s why.

( On a side note, as I took this photo she was behind me, I could almost feel her eyes looking at me. It wasn’t scary though. It felt quite peaceful.)

I was 60 in January- quite a milestone and some big ponderings started to come into play. I might have more innings in me yet, but you also realise that time is beginning to run out. The dreams, aspirations, things not done, and places not seen become more urgent.

With the birth of my grandson last August, this was a big catalyst to start really looking after myself. I want to see him grow up, be part of his life and remember his nana for all her chatty, quirky ways and zest for living. I want to live more now than ever before.

So, I started to ask some big questions and for me write out some powerful statements about how you want the rest of your life to go.

My mission statement (Ikigai, meaning reason or purpose)- more about the book Ikigai in next week’s post.

I say and write words to positively impact people’s lives.

 This is essentially the essence of who I am. My English work at the Farm, the birth of this blog and recently helping students with interview preparation to help them succeed in their chosen jobs.

I have health, wealth and happiness every day. (Wealth isn’t just about money, that’s another post for another time.)

I can play the piano.

I can walk without pain. Note, I use the word can, not I would like, or hope too. Writing in the present tense as if it is now and done is very powerful. There is research on this, just google it.

I have several more statements, but you get the idea.

This also brings the word gratitude into play here which is a huge subject all of its own. I have an 89-year-old friend who, by most people’s standards, has led a simple life confined mostly to her town and who has only ever lived in one of two houses which are next door to each other. She lost her husband at age 61 and her son who was aged 47. My family is the only one she has, even though we are not related.

Yet, never have I seen such a display of simple gratitude which has shaped her life from one which could be viewed as narrow and sad to one of blessings and joys. She is a wonderful example of gratitude, of noticing the violets on her walk to the shops last February, to the leaves shining in the local park with the sunshine.  When any small occasion comes her way, a road trip out, an invitation, however small, then this lady is so happy as she notices the shapes of the clouds as we drive along. I will never forget her pointing out the rabbit on the road to March on an outing to my daughter’s. She has had little money all her life, but her riches are many.

So, I come back to the question.

How do you wish to be remembered?

What’s important to you?

I want to walk around the UK writing about life, health and what it means to be alive and living the best life you can, including visiting cathedrals and churches with my laptop in tow. For all sorts of reasons, and the need to work consistently being one of them, this at the moment is confined more to days out, occasional 24 hour get-a-ways and any holidays. However,it is an intention I aim to do when I can fully retire.

I want to start a local walking and writing group, ideally next year but under an umbrella organisation where I can have a safety net, insurance and guidance so other people can harness what I am benefiting from. Walking is powerful, writing is powerful but put the two together and you can have a superpower to propel you into anything you want to be. Note, I write this with caution as I am not a counselor, see my disclaimer. There is a lot more ground work to do before I embark on such a venture.

How do I want to be remembered?

Someone who did the best they could with the modest talents they have and to not waste a single second. Wasting time is not for me and to fill each day with something I love and can be proud of. This could be criticised. I am not saying family isn’t important, it absolutely is, but your life can be more than just your family or your day job.

You have a right to fulfil your dreams. I do not need to be preserved in wax. I want to fly away on the wind in dust to mix with the air and for my family to plant some snowdrops in my favourite place. My collections of writings (my best ones) will be left to the family for any creative reference and hopefully some wisdom and interest and a memory that was kind, compassionate and caring.

That to me sounds like a pretty good life and for now, I am happy to get on and live this way.

How do you want to get on with your life, if there was nothing to stop you doing anything?

Until next week…..

A Visit to a Church- solitude part 2

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A Visit to a Church- solitude part 2
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In this week’s audio, I have included a small extract from the book ‘Steeple Chasing’ by Peter Ross.

Also, my writing in the church from last week’s post from St Mary’s Snettisham with edits and additional thoughts.

“I hear a pitter, patter on the roof. I have no idea what it is as it is not raining. It doesn’t sound like the wind, more like a swarm of flies, but having just walked around the whole perimeter of the church there was nothing to see and all was very quiet.

Then there is the ping of my phone. I’ll put it on silent as the two visitors behind me (glance) are praying…. Writing pauses.

Oh, the ping is from my aunt. She needs some information.

“Can you reply now if possible?”

She is trying to organise a holiday next year for us and the booking is time sensitive. Even when no one is with me, there is a presence, an example of a demand that requires an immediate response.

I’ve thought of going on a Retreat, one where no one can reach you and phones are switched off. However, you know what it is like, the tug and pull of people. I can’t turn my phone off. What if someone needs you when Dad is ill, or your daughter is trying to get hold of you?

I can see why Dr Mosley left his phone at the hotel on that fateful June Walk in Greece of which he never got to his destination, to be away from the distractions. I have given myself countless promises to get out more, just to get in the car and drive. A friend would say it’s a lack of boundaries and they would be right.

Why am I even able to sit here today? Because I’m off my childcare duties due to recovering from something contagious, now resolved, but a day off just to be on the safe side with a 10-month-old grandson to think about.

This comes back to a past post of squeezing and compressed time. As I have said before, this blog has a life of its own. Many of these posts’ subjects can overlap with common links and interconnections. This is one of the many surprises since setting up footstep conversations.

What feels certain is that silence doesn’t feel bad, quite the contrary. There is solitude and there is loneliness. You can be in a crowd and feel lonely. You can be on your own but know there is a network of people out there holding you up. I think of my penfriend in Australia. I have only ever seen her three times over the 40 years we have known each other but her presence is always there. This is one of the advantages of the technological age. Our video calls and messages, sending photos and thoughts have sustained me over many years.

Solitude is not bad for us, but loneliness is and that’s the difference. The data informs us in numerous studies that loneliness is damaging to our long-term physical and mental health. Here is just one of them.

I’m waiting for the phone to ping again, but it hasn’t. Maybe, I can sit here a little longer……..”

Are you lonely? Do you just require peace and some alone time, or are both relevant in your life?

What could you do about this?

Until next time….

If you want to read Philip Larkin’s poem, ‘Church Going’ there is a link to it here.

Photographs from St Mary’s Church, Snettisham, Norfolk.

‘Steeple Chasing, Around Britain by Church,’ Peter Ross, Crown, page 357, Headline Publishing Group, 2023.

Walking along the coast and solitude

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Walking along the coast and solitude
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I have decided to write this blog as two separate posts as I visited two locations on the same day. Each offers a different perspective of being alone and in stillness. To make a connection with the audio, this describes my coastal walk and next week is from a local church and what was experienced there.

Snettisham is on the North Norfolk Coast and what a lovely summer day after all the cold and rain. What immediately hit home was why do I not give myself the space and the permission to do this more. The last time I came to this beach was a year ago.  A blanket of calm swept over me like the tide coming into the beach.

My heart felt lighter, and this felt like another home to me, one without walls, restrictions and representing the highest form of freedom and physical expression. There was a radiance with the sunshine bouncing off the waves. The air looked fresh and clean like a cleansing tonic. As I breathed it in, the words started to form.

I sat, took out my notebook writing a few prompters to guide my message. The bicycle passed, and then I hit the record on my phone. After talking to you, what did I notice?

The flowers were striking.

I realised that birdsong comes in waves and little groups. You didn’t hear them all at once.

I walked along and photographed some flowers. Some were a bit blurry as there was a stiff breeze despite it being a calm day. I have chosen the two best here.

There was a little boat moored in the sand. Another was in the dunes. I wanted to photograph them, but I couldn’t reach one because of the terrain and the overgrowth. My mobile phone couldn’t capture the other in the distance very well (sun glare on the screen) At that moment, I realised that the Universe didn’t want me to sell my bigger bridge fuji with my recent decluttering efforts. It needed to be with me and to be here. Mobile phones can also make us lazy photographers. They certainly have made me this way when I look back at some of my earlier work many years ago.

Blue rope cordoned off for ground-nesting birds such as the Oyster Catchers.

 I listened out for the birds, and these were the following:

House Sparrows, Black Headed Gulls, Meadow Pipit, Eurasian Linnet, GoldFinches, Oystercatchers, Dunnock.

A couple of people were using a metal detector to pick up any beach treasure. I could hear it bleep.

In stillness, my eyes were scanning around me. I was starting to notice. As I walked, I had to bring myself back to the view. My monkey mind wanted to create an internal conversation so I brought my attention back to where I was. How often do you get distracted by that little voice prompting you about what you need to get back to, or what happened yesterday?

This wasn’t a long walk and some of it was sitting. I only had an hour on the car parking ticket, due to the costings (coastal car parks in prime areas are calculated carefully. An hour was £2- fine, but anything over time that jumped to £5 -clever and there was a little part of me hurrying to get to the next location as time was precious. I wanted to do as much as I could. Normally this would have been a childcare day. I was only off duty because I was still recuperating (see last week’s blog). This hit home about time is not always as flexible as I think it is and still a works in progress.

I then took myself to Snettisham church where the journey continues ( for next week).

What did I take away from this time?

To be honest, it was a glorious time away.

I felt at peace, happy and authentic to myself and what I enjoyed.

This walk was part of who I am now, a lover of nature, the environment and the outside world.

I felt restored, even for that short afternoon. I could go back to my ‘other’ world happily.

This was a good anchoring experience for me. I thought about the last two years (in particular) and it all made sense and I was proud of how far I had come. I love my chairs and my churches as well. The church came next!

Overall, it was a great afternoon out and I hope to get out to see a poppy field on Friday.

Slow your Steps

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(There is no audio this week, due to a minor contagious illness preventing me from walking when I was hoping to record it. There will be one next week.)

Looking at the latest photo of my 10-month-old grandson, what strikes me is the pure joy on his face at that given moment, with no thought of time on his hands. I feel this is the purest example of living in the moment. He had no concerns, no pressing engagements and just as it should be.

My Father gave me a valuable lesson years ago when he said:

“There is only one thing you can make in a hurry and that’s a mistake.” ( See my slightly hazy, imperfect photo.)

Remembering these words, I think back on all the wrong decisions taken and the mistakes made when I was rushing around, not taking enough care and attention, and crucially not just pausing and taking the time to check or think through what I was doing. It’s even happened with this venture and if this new blog has achieved anything then it has highlighted this and what I need to do about it.

I was watching a video the other day where the speaker mentioned that when we are asked how we are feeling, the word fine is swapped now to busy. We live in a fast-paced world. Our present Government wants the 3.5 million of us who are termed ‘economically inactive’ aged 50-64 to get back out to work and one friend expressed a phrase that we are all units of production. There is a subtle pressure of being idle isn’t acceptable.

Recently, I had conversations about being on the hamster wheel in my younger days of juggling work, house, family commitments and childcare. Of course, we all pay bills, and most of us want a sense of purpose and to connect with the outside world. We can’t escape the demands of modern life.

Becoming busy can become addictive as the adrenal pumps through our body. I researched the subject and stumbled across this blog. I largely have this problem.

I asked myself one question, How does being busy validate me?

1) Being busy must mean I am doing something useful.

2) I’m not wasting the precious time I have.

3) I can achieve something important, a goal or a step towards completing a long-term project.

4) I’m adding something of value to the world.

5) I’m getting ‘things’ on my to-do list done and this gives me a feeling of accomplishment.

6) It takes the pressure off deadlines.

7) Apparently, I’m at my happiest when I am busy.

8) It is the opposite of lazy and being lazy is a word I have never been encouraged to be.

Over the last month, I decided that it was no longer necessary to work at the weekends. As most self-employed people know, working for yourself means that there is always something to do. The email list, financial accounts, the tax return, re-evaluating your website and for me as a TEFL teacher learning the latest teaching methodology or skill. The guilt of the teaching of grammar course I purchased ages ago, that I still have started and the personal development programme from Beth Kempton’s writing courses I have to finish in less than a month, or the content will expire and I would have wasted precious money.

Then there is the constant tweaking of my morning routine so that I can get my work done early, so that time is made for walking, family and leisure. So, on one of these Sundays, I sat in my dressing gown and I couldn’t help feeling this was wasted time and physically felt the restlessness. I had to quieten my mind and just take my time, saying it was OK to have a morning of ‘blobbing about.’ It felt so uncomfortable and is something I find hard to do.

However, being busy isn’t necessarily being productive. What we spend our time on matters, how we do things in the most streamlined way counts. The chance of a mistake is reduced and wiser decisions are made when we just slow down, take our time and hit the pause button.

After the death of Dr Mosley (see last week’s blog)  it has hit home how fragile life is and how living well isn’t just about cramming into your day as much as possible. Days of quiet, resting, noticing, pausing and just being is essential and within those spaces of time a chance to connect with yourself. I confess my whole life ( from the age of 10) has been built on steps towards ‘something.’ Just to walk, smell the air and notice the view is a skill I’m having to learn to do.

Ironically, this week I have had to stop due to a minor illness which has meant I have needed to be isolated within four walls. This has hit home to me just how hard I find it to stop. One day later, I am restless, trying to catch up, and being away from my paid work this week is very frustrating., I am thinking of the things that need doing where I can use my time productively.This is a mindset that needs to change and work in progress.

What piece of advice would you give someone who needs to just ‘be’?

Do you see any of your behaviours in what I have expressed here?

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Until next week.

When Walking Suddenly Stops

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(Written on Saturday 7th June, I have decided to keep my words as they were written, but have since updated them at the end).

I have always remembered what a GP once said to me as we were on a ward round together.

“Any of us could be dead within the next thirty minutes.”

 The Lockerbie air disaster of 1988 had just happened. Lives were wiped out in an instant. A colleague was crying as one of her relatives was on that plane. This made me realise that:

You can be moments away from your death at any point.

You can be only one error away from changing your life or someone else’s for the worst.

A wrong decision can escalate into one long negative impact after another, like a pack of cards or dominoes falling around you.

One of my biggest errors of judgment was embarking on a personal relationship that had catastrophic consequences for me in my early twenties. This was my negative domino/compound effect.

 I now ask myself. What if I hadn’t accepted the idea of a friend writing to a lonely heart’s column on my behalf because she had had so many offers of a date, and I happen to like one of the photos and replies?

What if I had listened to my gut then, thinking I’m insane doing this, and instead of waiting on the corner for the car to appear, just to have gone home?

Trust me, it ended badly. The costs were felt for years to come.

I have been scrolling for updates on my phone regarding the disappearance of Dr Michael Mosley, who was reported missing Friday night after going off for a walk. The highly respected doctor and journalist whose podcasts such as ‘Just One Thing’ have been hugely successful in helping people change their lives for the better, with his lifestyle advice on diet, exercise and sleep. He is mentioned in My Library and someone who is a larger-than-life figure in the world of health, science and personal well-being for me.

So no one was more shocked than I was when I heard he had gone to Symi (a Greek Island) for a holiday with his wife, decided to take a walk from the beach back to his hotel, and to date has not been seen since.

What could have happened to him is still at the time of writing anyone’s guess? He appeared to have made it to the nearby town of Pedi after traversing along a rugged and rocky footpath, where there is the danger of falling into the sea, but his last sighting in the town is where the trail ends.

I think what is so unnerving for me is that he seemed invincible. Dr Mosley appeared to have his life ‘ together.’ in every way possible. He was a beacon of good habits, good choices, healthy, fit and successful. His work on health conveyed a feeling of where positive changes and crucially the right decisions, from the food put into your shopping trolley, to the workouts you gave to your body and mind can have such a lasting positive impact.

 Whatever his motives for deciding to walk in extreme heat, this news upholds two central beliefs I have, that being:

 1) We only have the present moment.

2) We can be one decision away from changing the trajectory of our lives, for better or worse.

A few years back I read ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Toll. It was suggested that I should read it as I anxiously awaited the results of a suspicious mammogram. This was my second recall, and I was convinced this time it must be cancer. Having known several people with the disease it brought home to me that I wasn’t invincible. I thought about my life in the past and was fearful of my future. I even felt anger, and yes even bitterness that my life could be cut short and for all the things I hadn’t had the chance to do.

Up to that point, I had taken my health for granted, having long-lived parents and thought my genes were strong. It did turn out that I had dodged the bullet once again (the suspicious result was simply a result of skin tissue being squashed and overlapping within the scanning machine) but this experience never left me. Life could not be taken for granted. As I left that hospital appointment I felt I had been given another chance.

Last night I picked up ‘The Power of Now’ and was reminded of the importance of this book. Eckhart Toll states:

” Realise deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.”

Life can be a lottery of chances, victories, mistakes, risks and the roads taken and not taken. With wisdom and hindsight, we try to make the best decisions based on our knowledge at the time. We know that life can be snatched away from us, at any given moment and that life isn’t fair or just and it appears that in this game called life, there are winners and losers.

How we navigate it comes down to choice and personal responsibility and to some extent where circumstances can be beyond our control.

As I fear for the safety of Dr Mosley all I know is one thing. The Now is all we have. We cannot cling on to the past, nor hold too tightly to what we hope to be the future. I try to live each day as if it were the last day I have on this earth. Doing what I can to contribute, making a difference, to leave a legacy, spread some kindness, care for others and do something which has meaning to me. That is all I can do.

 This is why I have set this blog up. The combination of audio, my words and pictures finally feels right for me and it is as important as the love and care I give to my family, friends and my paid work.

Take a moment to think about your life. There is a well-known saying that if you knew you only had three months left to live, would you carry on doing what you are doing?

What would you change?

What can you start changing today?

Sunday 9th June:

Update: It is with great shock and sadness that Dr Mosley has been found deceased. He appears to have taken a wrong turn on his walk, made a massive ascent up a hill and nearly made it back to a beach hotel, according to an internet statements from his wife Claire. It would appear that the heat was a likely factor in his death, and a post-mortem has confirmed he died from natural causes. My heart goes out to his family at this utterly terrible time for them. He will be so missed in the world of science and medicine. He leaves such a great legacy but his work will live on.

I still can’t believe that a man representing the right choices for living well could be taken too soon and it makes no sense. Life and death just feel like it hangs by a thread at any moment. We can do our best to not let it be cut short but there are no guarantees.

Live well my friends and enjoy each day. Be grateful for just being here, take hold of the power of Now and never let it go! His death just re-enforces this more than ever for me, and the trivial in life, plus any problems, placed more into prospective.

Walking Along a Carer’s Path

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Walking Along a Carer's Path
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Exhaustion is one word I didn’t say in my audio to describe the impact caring has on carers. Also, how caring can affect us not only emotionally but physically, especially those of us with our own health problems. I’m currently experiencing a flare-up of an old back injury due to the lifting of my grandson over several days. It’s easy to push our own needs aside when we are caring for others and just work through pain and discomfort.

I was interested to know the stats for unpaid carers. How many are there in the UK? How much were these people saving the economy every year? I was shocked. Here are some figures to illustrate the impact caring has:

The National Census of 2021 cited five million carers aged five and over in the UK. Yes, from age five, the plight of children in a carer’s role must be mentioned here.

Here are some figures from Carers UK.

75% of carers worry about juggling care and work commitments.

30% report their mental health was bad or very bad.

63% of carers were worrying about managing monthly costs.

The cost of unpaid care in relation to saving the economy money in England and Wales alone is a staggering 162 billion pounds a year. This figure almost matches the funding of the entire NHS for 2020/21.

How many of us define ourselves as carers, or where our labour has gone towards a caring role? What if we sat down and thought about all the direct and indirect care we give in our time towards others? I think many of you would be surprised. I asked myself this question during the last seven days and these are my examples:

I have helped care for a grandson for three days. One of these started at 07.30 and finished at 22.30.

I drove an elderly friend to the hairdressers which took up a morning.

The visit to my 94-year-old father in a residential home required a 70-mile drive.

The next day I saw one of my ‘adoptive style’ parents for the day who was visiting Norfolk before returning home, another long drive. She is approaching 90 and lives alone, and seeing her I know means a lot to her.

After writing this, I found a report illustrating the exact point I’m making. I don’t identify myself as a carer, but when I sat down and thought how much I do for others, it was quite a revelation.

All of the above illustrates one of the main reasons why I walk because it gives me the opportunity to get out of the house and to create some alone time, or an occasion to unwind with fellow walking friends. It creates freedom around my obligations of caring for others. Walking is free, flexible, adaptable and can be done at any free time, for as little or as long as you want. You can incorporate it around other activities, in this case, my two days away visiting elderly relatives. It also eases my back pain as well as helps two arthritic knees, also a casualty of caring when I was a nurse.

Supporting others has a cost, and from what I have briefly read so far, this cost appears to be increasing as we juggle a cost-of-living crisis and dwindling resources within the NHS and Adult Social care. Our national news recently highlighted how many councils can’t even meet basic care needs for people living at home and some are on the verge of bankruptcy.

This brings me to mention the new blogger I have connected with online from the USA and the power of writing to help others. I do hope you will look at Tina’s work. We are now helping each other to get our work noticed so others can benefit from our experiences. You can find her here. She would be so happy if you took a look at her site and left a comment.

The power of community can make a significant impact in terms of stress and the ability to cope. We need to help each other like never before, and the urgency has never been greater.

I’ll leave you at the church where I was sitting in Bungay, Norfolk where I recorded the introduction. I was sitting to the left of this picture, listening to the world go by and about to walk all around the village looking at the open gardens. My back was hurting but by the time I completed nearly 10,000 steps ( having enjoyed some beautiful gardens) my pain was gone and I felt so much lighter. I went on to enjoy the rest of my day and spent two hours with renewed energy visiting my dad who has vascular dementia. He was quite bright that afternoon and still knows who I am. I am blessed.

What care have you been giving this week?

What care have you given to yourself?

I know from writing this blog that I need to look after my own needs more consistently because I do far more than I realise for others.

See you next week.

The reference source for census 2021 @ www.ons.gov.uk

At A Crossroads

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I learnt early on in life that if you wanted something badly, you had to work hard until you achieved it. So began my journey into nursing after seeing an advertisement when I was 11. This was a defining moment.

With the massive support and practical help of two ‘adoptive style’ parents, I transitioned into a young adult with enough basic qualifications to be accepted into what was then known as State Registered Nurse training. Those eight years leading up to that point were excellent training in itself. It taught me fortitude, resilience, and the attitude that you just kept going and grinding away until the polished, gleaming diamond of victory was in your hands.

However, the finished stone has one potential flaw with this mindset. When you hold on to something so tightly, It can slowly start to crush and diminish you. This is where I now mention the ego. If you attach your ego to where you see something as a ‘must have’, things can start to go wrong and work happiness starts to take a downward spiral.

Fast forward to thirty years later, I saw the pinnacle of my nursing career teaching a high-stakes health-care exam. I had completed some initial training and felt my years of experience would be the sail that would propel me into this very niche world of teaching. To date, I have helped eight people achieve this, but the price to me personally has been very high. The tears, the stress, the agony of when it isn’t a pass. I am a sensitive soul and initially my default mindset of, you just have to grind away at it until your teaching is polished enough automatically kicked in. To let go would admit defeat and for me this is unthinkable.  Of course, I have touched on perfectionism here and that’s another post. The rational me knows that teaching is a two-way street between student and tutor as far as the learning goes.

Pondering all of this on my walk in the forest, I thought, what if all this pushing, shoving and driving myself down this particular path is wrong? Am I now at a Crossroads where it’s OK to say enough is enough? This was not how I had envisaged it and thought this path was only going to get wider and longer. Now it was shrinking but crucially I was allowing it.  

One of the key things I have discovered over these last five years is that sometimes you have to let go and just trust you are moving towards something better. The need to control everything for me is huge due to 1) childhood fears and 2) the belief that it’s all down to me to make anything and everything happen are huge stones to let go of. 

Then, as I have touched on in my audio message, there is the power of gratitude and managing expectations as a counter force. Nothing is perfect and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I have been so grateful to have had this opportunity. The people’s lives I have helped to change who can now practice Medicine/Nursing in an English speaking country. I shall talk about the power of gratitude as a later date.

I am still exploring all my work options, but one thing is clear. Letting something go to let something else in is not failure. To think so is black-and-white thinking. Instead, to take the experience and move on, holding on to hopes more lightly. There is a balance between the argument of never giving up, versus allowing something new to move in and you move on.

At my May monthly writing group I attended last week, we were asked to bring a poem that spoke to us. I took Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken.’ It’s an excellent and famous poem and you can read it here. I would encourage you to think about your crossroads, the roads taken, the ones not, and the ones where you caught a glimpse of what was there and you have turned on your heels quickly and taken a U-turn. 

So, to sum up, this is what I would now say. When the diamonds of life’s endeavours sparkle, keep hold of them, dance, and shine with them. But when the diamonds turn to stones of grey heaviness, it’s time to extract the memories and experience of what they taught you, say thank you and let them fall from your hand. You can physically bury them if you want to, there’s a thought! I might do that. 

What do you think you need to let go of this week? What might appear instead if you did?

Your thoughts!

Walking Away from Clutter

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(Note, before I start, there is no audio this week. I intended to record once a fortnight, but it has been much easier to do this than I thought., so they have been appearing more. However, this week, the post is long enough without it. It needs no further introduction.

Theodore Roosevelt is quoted to have said.

“Comparison is the thief of Joy.”

This week I have my own adaptation of this beginning with a C word.

“Clutter is the thief of time.”

This is how I felt a couple of weeks ago after a frustrating one, which saw me trying to sell some things without much success. No-one wanted to buy the old camera in the second-hand electrical shop; the antique shop was shut, and I had spent several minutes trying to unlock an old phone (forgotten fingerprint recognition) to find out it was worthless. Also, it would cost me £15 to unlock to access any photos and then these would be automatically removed. Fortunately, I have Google photo back-up. I need them gone on this device for security if it was going to head over to the scrap metal pile in the recycle centre. I like to recycle and as you know from My Storyand am a keen environmentalist.

I have been progressing towards a Minimalist lifestyle for several years and when I moved to my present house in 2014, this was the catalyst for the removal of things which no longer served me or brought me joy, as Marie Condo beautifully illustrates in her work of how to tidy and de-clutter. There is a good article here from the Guardian if you want to read more about her work. It’s a great read.

I have found joy by giving things away many things on free sites and the people met with their stories. What my old shoe rack meant to someone else whose shoes were all over his bedroom floor, the spare slow cooker would help someone living on their own, working 12 hours shifts the chance to come back to a hot meal.

So, on my walk today, I thought more about this subject and wanted to write about it this week. These are the questions I have been asking myself?

How do I feel about letting things go that I don’t use, or don’t particularly like that have been bought by close people? The relationship between possessions and sentimental value and the guilt of letting them go, the psychological tug and pull. Should I let them go or stay? How would that person feel if they knew I had let them go?

 Do I let the 12 Doulton crystal Sherry glasses in their beaten-up original box, wrapped in newspaper go to the charity shop? I don’t want them, won’t use them but they are made of an expensive material. However, I probably would get very little for them financially. Given by my ‘adoptive’ Mother, I called my aunt from Oxford. She didn’t want them but because of sentimental reasons (wedding present I think) she couldn’t entirely part with them either, so gave them to me. And so the cycle goes on. They are currently under a spare bed because I have no where else to put them and have been there for several years.

What about the things in the loft I just cannot part with (because of my memories) but never see the light of day.

Then there are the three dresses of a designer label? Do I give Vinted a go? How much time will this take?

Do I just put everything on a FB selling page and see what happens? I have done this before with success, but these sites are full of potential scammers and time wasters now?

Do I try a car boot again, load up the car, get up at the crack of dawn, to bring it back home if it doesn’t sell?

The books I never read now but still love the subject with their pictures- Floristry.

Clutter takes up time, thinking time, practical time and this is a waste of time to me so my efforts to remove it to free up space in my life, in all ways is a priority.

Then once it is gone to not replace it. How many of us clear space only to fill it up again! How many times have I cleared the garage, the summer house where we used to live only for it to become junked up?  My husband can’t find the hoe in the garage for the mess and wanted to go and buy another one. I said no, I will find it. Clutter can cost us and I am sure we all have two bottle or packets of ‘this and that’ in our kitchen cupboards going out of date because we can’t find the first one.

I live in a home where space is a premium. We have one cupboard, one built in cupboard in one bedroom, a very small galley kitchen (plans to upgrade for increased space) and the hallways on two floors are narrow within a three-storey house. This has meant everything’s locations has had to be carefully thought about.

 Yet, this house also has a spacious quality to it because we have embraced a minimalist lifestyle and serves us in a way that we mostly enjoy. The garage is the last once and for all push and the underneath of one bed in the second bedroom which has memory boxes and my daughter’s christening and prom dress, and yes, those sherry glasses.

Then there are the mounds of paper. We have drowned in the stuff, having done many courses and qualifications in this household. I have just finished converting a study into a part nursery and toiled through 10 years of personal papers. it felt liberating to have the essential ones in one neat, boxed file and essential work resources in one filing cabinet. . A de-cluttered home is a more efficient one, that is certain and takes less time dusting, cleaning and crucially finding things.

There is work to do and decisions to make. On another walk I will come back and tell you how I got on with the answers to those questions when it is all complete.

If this post has sparked any thoughts or desires to aim for a more Minimalist lifestyle and you want to be inspired. then please go to My Library and look up Joshua Becker. He is the number one guru on this subject for me and is so convincing as to why you should give this a go.

Have a spacious week and I’ll leave you with my pictures depicting space and freedom to ponder over.

Walking with Someone

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The Following short piece is taken from the book Mindfulness and the Natural World. Bringing our Awareness Back to Nature

” Mindfulness practice

Enjoying your Natural Senses

So often when we walk- to work, to the shops, to the train station, or with the dog- we are caught up in our thoughts and anxieties and unaware of all that is around us . For just 10 minutes of a walk that you do regularly , bring your attention to the experience of walking and become aware of any pleasurable sensations you notice, either in your body and its step-by-step movements or in the natural world around you- sunlight and shadows, the breeze flowing past , the feelings of warmth or cold, the scents in the air, the colours of flowers and trees, the song of birds, the sounds of insects and other animals. Each time you get distracted by your thoughts, acknowledge this, and gently bring your mind back to your senses. Enjoy the simple pleasures of being alive and part of life all around you.”

Claire Thompson.

Why not try this with a fellow walker and compare your experiences. I appreciate the subject of Mindfulness and loneliness are two distinct subjects. However, I have linked them because of the audio’s progression onto the subject. Mindfulness takes us away from the inner chatter inside our heads of worries and fears. Companionship can help us express these feelings, in a supportive way, in a calm natural environment when we are out walking with another or in a group.

A link to research by the UK government, published after the Covid Pandemic in 2022, between loneliness and mental health distress can be found here.

To discover more about mindfulness and its health benefits look at this NHS link for an introduction. It explains it well here.

I have learnt to be more Mindful in my walking and will focus on this during Mental Health Awareness week. I also know how much I have appreciated my close friends who have supported me during times of deep crisis and personal distress. Their support has been priceless and they know who they are if they are reading this. Thank you to each and everyone of them.

‘Mindfulness and the Natural World’ is published by Leaping Hare Press, @Ivy press Limited 2013.

Morning Glory

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I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t enjoy the sound of bird songs. Nature’s Choral Symphony is celebrated in May with International Dawn Chorus Day- the first Sunday in May. What has been inspiring is that not only have I just discovered this, but something else exciting too, this being the Merlin app to help identify bird sounds recommended by a friend who had commented on my blog. 

About a couple of weeks ago, I visited Foxley Woods near East Dereham, Norfolk, well known for its best display of Bluebells in this area. It had been on my visit list for years, and I was determined to walk through and photograph the display for one of my early May posts. The display of Bluebells was stunning, even if the walk to get to them took over half an hour. The walkway was well signposted and took you on a circular walk with signposts, so it was easy to navigate and not get lost.

Having mentioned bird song in my last audio, I thought it would be nice to record some bird sound, which I did in the woods- thinking this 35-second clip would be featured here. However, this is where this blog has a mind of its own and where one step leads to another for more discoveries. 

Once home, I searched ‘ birdsong’ on my phone’s internet and discovered that there are mental health benefits to listening to the birds as well as learning about International Dawn Chorus Day. It just happened to be close to the next release of my post. I thought it was perfect timing, why not get up early and record some bird song to feature here.

So, on Saturday, I installed Merlin the Bird Sound app and was all set to identify what birds I have in my area. I know there are many house sparrows- our bushes are alive with them, house martins, bluetits, blackbirds and our faithful collared doves and pigeons.

If you want to find out more about bird songs and why birds sing in the early morning and International Dawn Chorus Day, take a look at the RSPB site here. It explains everything so well.

Having checked the time of sunrise on my weather app, I set the alarm for 05.15, and once it went off, I saw the morning was already light, and thought, am I too late? However, once outside, I realised there were still plenty of birdsong. We have robins, but they like to catch the first light, so I didn’t hear any of them. I was so excited to know we had wrens somewhere outside our front door and a Linnet detected along the Green to the back of us.

I spent several minutes outside, once this audio here had finished and found this a great experience. What initially was an outing to Foxley has led to discovering something else, and this is what I am enjoying the most about writing and recording for this endeavour.

If you would like to discover more about the mental health benefits of listening to birds, I have included some references here.

The Natural History Museum:

https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/how-listening-to-bird-song-can-transform-our-mental-health.html

King’s College London:

https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/feeling-chirpy-being-around-birds-is-linked-to-lasting-mental-health-benefits

Why not get up at dawn for a short walk and try this for yourself. Happy listening!

Walking Towards Small Victories

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I wasn’t going to use this recording, my first open-air one, unscripted back in February because of my usual hesitancy of saying is this good enough? Yes, I am plagued by perfectionism.  When I played it back, I thought the wind was too loud at the start of the recording. However, having listened to this more than once, to capture the essence of what I was trying to say, I felt it conveyed several important messages, which I want to share today.

One of the key statements I made was that I did something, despite something else. We all know our fair share of adversity and travelling to Suffolk, when life was feeling particularly tough in the rain, may not seem much of an achievement, but to me it was. I had promised my family a winter retreat and I delivered what I had promised. Two cars packed to the rafters, with baby things for my grandson and renting an eco-cabin ( Air B and B for three nights) seemed quite an adventure for this hardly adventurous individual.

Nothing was going to stop me/ us enjoying ourselves and my specific aim was to get to Flatford Mill and photograph the famous painting scene by John Constable. So, on that first morning, I put my walking boots on, skirting the largest flooded dip I had seen, I left the family in bed and found my way to the mill before the heavens opened again.

I got out my phone and pressed play, not knowing quite what I was going to say. Point number two, I surprised myself by being spontaneous. There were a couple of other people quite close by but it didn’t matter. I got my message out there that you can hear now.

I realised then that I rarely let myself or people down. I can dig in and pull small and bigger things ‘out-of-the-bag’. Determination and stubbornness (the latter I’m sure I get from my father) can win the day, if used in the right way. 

Last year, I drove to Salisbury, the longest trip I have ever done on my own. The year before was my first adventure by taking myself on a 24-hour trip to the Lincolnshire Wolds. Using an app, I found my way around a Tennyson walk. I got lost briefly but when I had completed the circuit and got back to the car, I felt so elated I had done it. 

I am learning to embrace small victories and just need more courage and cash to say I am becoming a little explorer. This is the biggest thing I need to permit myself to do. It doesn’t have to be travelling half away around the world. England is just fine and I am pushing my boundaries in more ways than one, every day not just in the physical domain but within my mindset as well.

I might be aged 60 but I want to feel like a small child again with that sense of wonder and curiosity. Childhood was such ‘serious stuff’ with one parent having a significant mental health diagnosis for all of it. There was never fun and joy, and this script was soon transported into the adult world where life was serious, with duty, commitments, responsibilities and being sensible.

Writing this I realise why I have always wanted to fly like a bird. To just take off and be free to go wherever my imagination takes me. My hope is for many road trips ahead with a child’s mind at the wheel. If my friends see me, do give me a wave. 

Pausing Your Morning Steps

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Mornings- I have read quite a bit about them and this time of the day appears to have many benefits. Personally, my relationship with mornings is still in development. I associate myself with being an evening owl (having spent years working evenings when I was younger as a nurse on the twilight shift). Therefore, historically I don’t consider myself a morning lark.  Yet, I cannot deny that there is something quite magical about the hours between 06.00 and 09.00 when I decide to savour them.

For me, leading a busy self-employed life as well as being a new grandmother, mornings are without doubt my favourite part of the day. Now, it is 06.15 and I feel quiet and relaxed and there is silence away from all the ‘noise’ of a typical day.

Some of you may have heard of a book called ‘The Miracle Morning’ by Hal Elrod. Its central message is that a morning routine, which involves rising early is a key factor in personal success and happiness. Certainly, there is no denying that from all the successful people I have read or personally have known in some way, they are all ‘morning’ people. The research into the most successful people’s habits confirms this.

Having a morning routine, which involves structure, discipline and getting ahead in your day undeniably has advantages. I have known past mornings of chaos, lethargy and not wanting to get out of bed, and there is nothing worse than to start a day like this. However, I never really subscribed to the ‘Miracle Morning’ book for one key reason that being I didn’t like the rigidity and the pressure it conveyed to me. The rising at 5 am with the exercise, scripting, reading and so forth felt too overwhelming. Some of the reviews I read from people (feeling stressed and under pressure if they could not manage it) were negative for me.

So, I have chosen a middle ground. I set no alarm clock unless I need to get up of course for something specific. I allow my body to wake up when it is ready. Often, it is early, and the times vary. I have one or two dedicated practices, including drinking water as soon as I wake because our bodies are dehydrated after a night’s sleep. I also listen to my Darren Daily Mentorship audio newsletter on weekdays. Often, I spend several minutes in silence, just listening and doing nothing at all. Sometimes I start work before I go downstairs. I may write, read, or just listen to the radio on BBC Sounds. I have even got up and done a brief walking circuit around my estate.

Yes, I agree this is a luxury and I am fortunate to get to choose how and when I work and how I live. For most of my life, it wasn’t like this, and I too had to get up for shifts, children and the time pressures life give us. I think if I could turn the clock back though, I would have done my mornings differently. I would have allowed them to be times to pause, even for 10 minutes. To give myself the space for a bit of self-care, however, brief that window of time might have been. I didn’t and I regret that but I’m making up for that now.

So, I would encourage you to evaluate your mornings. Is it working? If it is then great but if it isn’t, experiment with it and try out something different. You might be surprised. Be flexible, allow yourself to rest and stop because often that’s when the best ideas and insights of something will show up.  Get up a bit earlier to get ahead, even by a few minutes, if you need to get something important done (and you will feel great for doing that) but don’t beat yourself up if it didn’t happen as intended. Try a different approach next time and see how it feels. I still juggle with what works for for me, but the word Pause within this time is non-negotiable.

When One Moment Changes Everything

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What happens to us when life changes in an instant? How do we feel? Shock, grief, loss, disbelief? There is no logic and there is no fathomable reason, but it appears anyway, catching you by astonishment, by total surprise, and the aftershocks of the earthquake of feelings linger on for days, months andeven years. The landscape of your life has changed forever. One small trigger and you feel like you are living it all over again.

Nothing could prepare you for this moment and how you wish you could be given a dial to turn the clock back, to freeze a frame, to undo the result.

One morning, a woman on a 90 something floor of the Twin Towers in New York, on that fateful day, was typing and sending an email. It was 09.44. An ordinary day, she had decided to go into work at 08.30. It was a new job of two weeks. She could have started at 09.00 but had decided to help out that day by going in early. Her husband, with aviation experience, heard a plane’s engine that he knew was too low, followed by an explosion. By 09.46, just two minutes after sending that email, his wife was literally ‘vapourised.’ No body, no bones, not even ash to bury. In those two minutes the normal became the hideous nightmare nobody wants to hear. Your loved one has died, a life of just 40 years extinguished in an instant.

How can anyone make any sense of that? I remember a GP at the hospital where I worked at the time after the Lockerbie bombing of December 21st 1988 say any one of us could be dead within the next 30 minutes. I have never forgotten that statement.

Last month, it was an ordinary day when a ping came from my phone. I read the message and couldn’t believe in what I was reading. Someone whom my late friend Geoff in the Philippines knew daughter had died, suddenly aged 22. How could the universe deal this card to a family full of love and gratitude for life? A family committed to faith, God and prayer. It made no sense. It sat heavy on me all day and still does, and with the family’s permission I can write about it here in this blog post.

Juliana, epitomised her beautiful name. Having graduated last year from a four-year college degree in Civil Law the doors of her future lay wide open. Then suddenly the tropical Dengue Fever shut that door with a bang that no-one saw coming. She was an artist too and I saw many of her paintings.

 I got to know Rose her mother, on Social Media, after my friend Geoff’s death (the family were neighbours where he lived for several months of the year).

I was inspired by her mother’s digital creative ability, her optimism as she showed us her photography and lovely positive affirmations, her grace and the total love and commitment she instilled daily into her two children: John, now graduated as an architect and recently married on November 4th and Juliana. I asked the Universe how could you deal this kind of card to a woman who only ever called in love, gratitude and abundance?

Then two weeks ago we heard of one ordinary evening train turned into a horror ride as people are stabbed and the train making an emergency stop at Huntington, a Fenland town my family knows so well, having lived there for a few years.

So, what is the point of the post, its central message? Seven months ago, an innocent decision, a sequence of events led to the unexpected on my own doorstep. My blogging ceased overnight, the words frozen, suspended and left dangling like a flimsy thread within a piece of string. That piece of string is still a tight rope I walk on and will be doing so for at least the next five years. Nothing is certain, and my life can only be planned on a day or weekly basis.

During this time, I have learnt valuable lessons. My friends have been rocks of gold of which I have clung to. They have given me hope and a lifeline, their patience and care have been totally remarkable and kind. I have been shown blessings and an insight few may see.

Worry is futile, planning is fine, but goals and decisions can take a different and twisted path. We can never truly see what is around the corner and maybe it’s a good thing we can’t. I have learnt that all we have is this moment, this day and that is a blessing. Trivial things seem absurd and hard days still feel like blessings because I am still living and breathing in this world.

We can turn pain into purpose. The husband of the women killed on 9/11 went on to do amazing work with the widows left behind on that day. He discovered more men died than women and that over 1,800 of the later needed urgent help and support. For Rose, I know that her daughter will live on in countless ways, not yet known or seen, but I have no doubt she will because her mother is an exceptional woman and the rest of her family equally so. I have always wanted to meet them in the Philippines. If I ever get to Australia, and on my return home, I really hope I can visit them.

For myself, a relative stranger, where I was temporarily staying for three months gave a notebook and coaster to me with the words from Jeremiah 29: 11 because she felt she needed to.

‘ For I know the plans, I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’

 The words struck me because I know what I want my plans to be, as yet to be unfolded, as yet unformed and unseen. It felt like a clear message that everything was going to be OK..

So let me leave you with this lovely face of an angel. Let her teach you that beauty can’t be extinguished even in death, that legacy lives, that memories made are never lost, that personalities persist long after physical perishing, that light always glows brighter and more passionate than the darkness, because we inject the light with love that darkness can never erode, nor its flame ever be extinguished.

In the trauma of these last few months, how comforting it is to be back writing with you again.

In memory of Juliana M Florino born 29th August 2003 and died October 13th, 2025.

May you rest in peace, but your life lives on forever in our hearts.

(Photographs and words posted with kind permission of the family.)

The Colour Blue and What it Means to You.

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The Colour Blue and What it Means to You.
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( Again, this audio is not a transcription of this writing but as a separate conversation to introduce this post)

Another mini-blog post this week, as Easter events and family staying during this time have meant writing has been difficult. However, I wanted to get something down on digital paper, as writing is a promise you keep not only to yourself but to your audience. So here we go into the subject of Blue and I have found it quite fascinating.

( A sky scene from a local walk often taken with my walking friend)

Nature lovers know the powerful effects of ‘ Green Therapy,’  examples include forest bathing, walking in the countryside and enjoying our environment. But what does the colour blue conjure up in your mind? Let’s take a brief pause and consider this. What would blue therapy mean to you and what other associations are there to it?

Firstly, I want to think of all the connections I know about this colour that immediately springs to mind without too much thinking.

The Blue Moon, Next due 31st May 2026

Blue Lagoon, A spa resort in Iceland famous for its thermal waters

The colour blue as a ribbon in a wedding garter ( symbolising love and fidelity)

Blue John, is the gemstone found in Blue John Mines in Derbyshire. This is now rare and valuable.

Blue skies and seas

Baby boys and blue

Water sports

Blue Blood- deoxygenated blood returning to the lungs.

Blue light from screens which hinders our sleep

Idiom: Out of the blue- unexpected occurence

Talking until you are blue in the face- talking when someone is frustrating you, as they are not taking any notice of what you are saying.

Feeling Blue

Blue Monday- usually the third January after Christmas when people’s bills are arriving and New Year’s Resolutions are dying. This is a most depressing time.

Another pause in my words to think about, from the last one on my list. When you imagine blue, is this a positive colour or one where you associate it with ‘feeling down,’ of cold hands and lips, of winter weather?

Doing a little research, I have discovered that whole books have been written about the colour blue and how diverse it is with many connotations, symbolism and meanings, symbolically, spiritually and practically.

Pondering about blue, I realise this post could open up discussions about other colours and how they affect our mood. What colours are we most drawn to and why? I love the colour purple but am often drawn to wear blue for work because it feels professional and tidy. There is a certain efficiency about blue. It feels neat, smart and orderly and can often be a colour choice for interviews or important speaking events.

 As a healing colour, it is not surprising it’s used for images within the medical field and NHS.  Blue feels very calming and peaceful to me. The healing and positive well-being effects of blue are documented.

“There’s a reason we think of blue as relaxing; it tends to lower our heart rates, blood pressure, and even our body temperature. Blue can have an effect on the pituitary gland, affecting our sleep patterns, and it can slow our breathing as well. Studies of memory have demonstrated that memory is enhanced by blue light, and blue light can even kill some bacteria!”

Katie Smith @ sensationalcolour.com.

Many of my photos are of skies landscapes and water. It contrasts well with green, yellow and blends with lilac and other pastel and light shades. If I was a painter, I would see blue as one of my favourite colours.

( The Abbey Ruins at Walsingham, Norfolk)

Blue is also seen as very spiritual. We think of Mary the mother of Jesus in a blue robe and blue is associated with the heavens, a gateway to us and God. The colour blue is found in the Old Testament where the tassals of the Israelites were blue to remind them of the Lords Commandments.

( My friend Jean’s garden in the spring who many of my local friends. Her garden is a riot of blue this time of year)

Then we can think of all the blue in Nature. I love blue flowers in the spring, the tiny forget-me-knots and the beautiful bluebells in May. As someone who loves the weather and looks at the sky daily ( I’m writing a mini weather journal over one year) I realise blue is a very positive colour in my life.

Here is a good article about the meaning of blue and what it represents. There is so much fascinating information to read here.

( Water reflections Gooderstone Water Gardens, Near Oxborough, Norfolk)

So blue is a very rich colour and should not be seen as cold and mainly limited to water or skies. If you glance, as I have just done, at the History and other associations of blue, you begin to see it has a lot of surprises. I wanted to do a more detailed study of this colour and appreciate I have just skimmed the surface of this topic. However, this is an introduction for you to reflect upon, and how blue might feel for you.

References:

Wedding garter https://thebridaltip.com/blue-garter-for-wedding/

Blue Moon https://www.space.com/15455-blue-moon.html

Blue Lagoon https://www.bluelagoon.com/

Blue John https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_John_(mineral)

The religious connection with blue https://artuk.org/discover/stories/the-power-of-blue-humanity-spirituality-and-divinity

Until next week where we will start a new mini series of seven posts. Have a good rest of the week everyone.

Life is for Living

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A new poem for you to consider and how these words can be applied to many contexts. Inspired by an event and conversations, I wrote this poem in five minutes.

“Life is for living, not for quitting

Life is truly yours, not for fitting

Into someone else’s idea of how it should look

Life is for uplifting, not for hitting

Your own face when it doesn’t work

Life is not about splitting yourself in half

Life isn’t all about sitting either

But just turning up and not necessarily winning.

When something needs to be done, do it.

When someone needs your love, show it.

When someone needs a friend, be it.

But above all be a friend to yourself.

Because without that

You life will never feel like a life that is fulfilling or forgiving

When things are messed up

                            chucked up

                             mixed up

TRUST that it will all work out in the end

As intended

All in unison

Blended, not offended

PEACE! “

As writers don’t sabotage your growth, write. As crafters craft, as photographers, take pictures. As walkers, walk and as healers heal. As carers, care and as makers, make. As musicians play and as gardeners, garden the seeds of today for tomorrow’s harvest, because it is all good and worthwhile and ENOUGH.

You are enough. TODAY ALWAYS.

That’s my message for this week. Plain and simple and getting back after a break for work involving the new tax year, of exciting plans and new moves. Also, been painting a daughter’s kitchen:))

Until next time, when I will be talking about therapy the colour of blue. Interested to hear my thoughts then see you next week.

Nature’s Water

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When you think of water how does it make you feel?

The audio this week, I hoped would be a video but I am still learning how to place them here within a certain bandwidth. Sadly, it had to be converted to MP3 only and you can hear my little grandson in the background enjoying the splashing water. I hope the sound is at least calming.

( Mother’s Day Visit to Gooderstone Water Garden, near Oxborough, Norfolk)

When I imagine water, I hear babbling streams and brooks. I think of the countryside, Yorkshire, The Lakes and can imagine myself sitting by a stream just pausing for a bit. We create ponds and water features in our gardens. It plays its tune to us as we soak up the summer sun. Eating al-fresco with a glass of something cool in hand, as water plays along with the outside orchestra of birds, trickling along without rhythmical hesitations.

Like drinks, water quenches our thirst in more ways than we realise. It does more than hydrate our cells, but appears to replenish our souls. The liquid of life that was a crucial element of when time began. To not have water is the end of life itself.

(The Beach at Corton, Lowestoft, Suffolk)

I was born in Lowestoft and the picture of water there for me was crashing waves, foam and tossing seas. The foghorn with November’s mist, the towering light house and the sound of seagulls all around. Often it was windy by the seashore, and I recall walks on Pakefield cliffs on a Sunday afternoon as a child with my parents. Little did I realise then, but I enjoyed walking by the sea and still do. I often want to take myself there after a stressful time or busy period. A place to inhale the sea air, like a medical nebuliser, expanding my lungs and clearing out the dust from my veins.

 Many people turn to water when they need some escape or distraction. When we feel a little battled by life’s events or when we want to de-stress. Sports such as fishing, wild swimming, sailing and paddleboarding are pursuits where we can feel restful, even whilst engaged in a physical activity.

I live on the edge of the Fens and drive past rivers and waterways where boats and water stretch into the distance and I wonder where they are heading to. An untravelled place in time, the explorer in me wants to know more and the urge to see where the river bends is strong.  The Fens were reclaimed from the water and the landscape, once boggy marshes, makes this corner of my world, now drained, so fertile for farmers.

( A local outing to a Lavendar Farm, Heacham, Norfolk Caley Mill)

For me, I enjoy seeing water and hearing its sounds. It has an integral part in the way nature plays out. I have enjoyed being by it, standing near a water’s edge taking photographs such as this one and pondering life as I see its shine, physical reflections and movement.

However, I cannot swim and am afraid when it comes to water which is a shame. I have tried to learn to swim many times and have never managed to conquer the phobia. Walking on dry land makes me feel safer.

For others though, there is a fearlessness about water which is inspiring and poses the question.

Why do you think water can be so freeing?

 From my perspective, It isn’t constricted by time, or people’s demands. It goes where it wants to, uninhibited and not afraid. I just wonder when we persue water hobbies do we feel the same? The freedom of being in the open air, the tingling splash on our faces, feeling the breeze, the gliding movement, the pulling forces and the push against the flow.

Water can be our friend when we know how to work with it and respect its power. We also know the devastating effects climate change is having on our world and the heartache it has caused when people’s homes are flooded, damaging land, destroying crops and wildlife.

But let’s leave water though in a positive light. People care about this precious resource and feel invested in it. Not just wanting to spend their time being around it, but also caring about how it is managed in a sound environmental way. We have seen lobbying and campaigning for our privatised water companies to clean up its act as far as making our waterways and rivers cleaner and safer, and locally we have individuals highlighting the need to protect our chalk streams which we are lucky to have in my part of the world.

( A stranger just enjoying the water at lowestoft)

I would love to know from anyone where water is an essential part of their recreational life and how it affects them? Why they like to be near it, or in it? And how does water feel different to those of us who feel safer on dry land?

I shall be taking a week’s break from blogging as the end of the tax year requires some business work. I shall be back in two weeks.

Until then………..

Rhythm of Life

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I am inspired this week to write about movement in a different way, having read @BethKempton’s Soul Circle prompt this last week which I subscribe to and an article on Substack on the same subject.

Ironically, to go deep into this word, I had to sit with it for a while and think about rhythm all around us, as a vibration on different levels/frequencies which encompasses so much of our everyday lives. Science tells us we are all made up of energy and we radiate a frequency which is reflected in our moods, thoughts and actions.

But what is rhythm in its fullest and most diverse expression? This week’s audio was recorded, just after a piano lesson and it was a focused hour of creating musical rhythm which is a work in progress for me. But rhythm isn’t just associated with music, is it? Here is my list of rhythms in all its various guises. See if you can think of any more.

  1. The rhythm of flow in uninterrupted work states where ideas flow and understanding grows. We work best when we enter this state. Kal Newport has written a book about it called ‘Deep Work.’ See my Library page.
  3. The rhythm of the wind flowing through trees horizontally, and vertically, whirling in circles and increasing and decreasing in speed is a fundamental part of our weather.
  5. The rhythm of change as we flow through one day to the next, creating new experiences, work, and pleasure and how we can quicken the pace or pause the note, depending on where we are in our lives.
  7. The rhythm of our heartbeat, the blood in our veins and arteries which keeps us alive and what we need to do to sustain optimum health.
  9. The rhythm of our walking pace, the sounds created from our steps around us, our ears listening to those sounds of nature.
  11. The rhythm of the song as we sing in choirs, collectively one voice in unison, taking part in something where we are one element of a bigger whole.
  13. The rhythm of a clock ticking down time as we move through the years. The little hand marks significant focal points, as the minute hand of our tiny actions and habits influences the main events of our existential being until we get to our midnight hour.
  15. The rhythm of the universe as stars are born and die in the sky, the ever-changing constellations, the moon cycles that observe Universal Laws.
  17. The rhythm of the seasons as we move through winter to spring, summer to autumn, celebrating the equinox, the turn of the calendar and nature’s wheel in a circular motion.
  19. The rhythm of writing as we create thoughts, stories and ideas on a page, the pen or laptop keys moving in tune with our mind.

Rhythm isn’t one thing in isolation but becomes part of other activities and my walk today showed me that spontaneity can equally flow with this force side by side.

This is what happened next:

! Having put my phone in my bag, I looked and saw some horses.

I remembered I had an apple in my bag and a tinge of excitement emerged knowing that the horse would like it.

I went up to the horse and spoke to this lovely animal, giving my apple which he/she gracefully took. There was an instant energy of connection.  I felt it whilst hearing the crunch from their teeth against the apple’s flesh.

The other horses stirred and took an interest. I would need to come back with three carrots next time I thought. I started to take some photos as the horse drank the water.

As I photographed the scene, a fellow walker and photographer came up and seeing me taking pictures started to do the same.

I spoke and we had a brief chat for five minutes as the rhythm of the camera shutter clicked quietly in the background. He was round about my age and I didn’t want him to think I was chatting him up, so I moved on soon after:))

Having walked on I stopped at my favourite spot. I drank in the view, at peace with the world, thinking how I loved this view.  I had taken a photo of some spring blossom that had caught my eye. It dazzled in the sunshine with its pure white foliage.

Another walker came along with his walking stick and it felt natural to strike up a greeting.

The elderly gentleman was a widower from a local town. He had lost his wife 18 months before and they both had loved this spot. I said I felt the same. For him It might have been the only conversation he would have for the day. I said I would look out for him as he walked regularly there.

I headed back towards the car and two more walkers with their dogs spoke remarking that the wind was still chilly. I then proceeded to go and see my friend. This all happened in less than 30 minutes.

My elderly friend who had had problems with her phone (now resolved) was glad to see me. I had a cup of tea. We exchanged concerns and updates.

One walk: one afternoon: One hour:

I had not planned any of it, apart from seeing my friend after piano. It had cost nothing, apart from some petrol but to me, this was an afternoon that saw rhythm and spontaneity in their fullest form. The frequency I was feeling was high, a real feeling of aliveness, and gratitude, drinking in the sunshine, the clear blue sky, against the white spring foliage. The birds were singing. This to me was living.

I couldn’t have been anywhere else that could have surpassed that moment. I was in the zone. I was happy. I was aligned with a vibration of a rhythm in time that felt good.

This is what walking does for me. I am much more in tune with life’s rhythms and am starting to feel its full force with quite transformative effects. I am less anxious and my need to tightly grip work, effort, control and figuring out every potential problem with a solution before it happens is lessening. Rhymn’s voice is saying slow down, don’t force, just trust, everything is going to be Ok. Just have faith that life’s timings are all as they are meant to me. All is well.

What do you feel when you walk?

What do you notice?

What are you thinking?

What does the rhythm of life mean to you?

I would love to know.

Until next week……

Walking is My Saving Grace

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After last week’s mammoth read (thank you to everybody who read my reflections on six months of journaling through autumn and winter and stayed to the end with helpful comments), I have chosen this week to keep things very simple.

The photos here are from my early morning weekend walk which was a lovely, frosty spring morning. I even saw deer in the distance. I’m glad I get up early for these and meet my local walking friend for the one hour and 20 mins of chat and steps.

A new step for me:

Following on, as to why walking has helped me get through the autumn and winter, I have decided to place here my poem, which was submitted for the annual poetry competition of the Happiful magazine. I’ve never dared enter a poetry competition, fearing the disappointment of the 99% inevitable rejection but I’m glad I entered for two reasons:

  1. Because I was serious about writing something I knew would be valuable and doing the best work I could, raising my own bar. I spent considerable time on the form, and flow after the first draft.
  3. To experience the feeling that no, this wasn’t good enough in a judge’s mind, but that was OK. It does not invalidate it, or make it not an intelligent creative piece of work.

I was so touched at how Happiful (a magazine for positive mental health) replied to every one of us, not with some cliché answer but with a well-crafted thought-out response, offering encouragement and hope, saying that many of the entries would go on to find homes of their own.

 We were told that there were over 900 of us, and it was a very difficult job to select the one winner and runners up because of the high quality of the work submitted from many of the entries. This felt so genuine, not just to make us feel better. I hope mine was one of them and it has found a home here.

I look forward to reading these in the April edition to see how they differed from mine and what made them stand out to be the ‘ chosen’ ones.

The brief was to write about something that benefits your mental health:

This poem as you can see is a walk through the seasons and how indeed walking is my saving grace. I wanted the poem to build up in strength, from the autumn and the already dulling of my spirit as winter is anticipated, to the uplifting energy of the spring and summer.

To convey the feeling of flow and movement within each stanza as I walked through the months, keenly observing what was around me, and how each season offered some medicine to help my overall mental well being. The guidelines were that it had to be no more than 25 lines, minus the title. Here it is:

Walking is my Saving Grace

Autumn’s light fading, oh how I dread,

the approaching winter, legs full of lead.

But autumn colours beckon me

to put on my boots and venture out.

Golden hues and skeleton leaves of lace,

Oh, walking is my saving grace.

Winter’s light jading, nature’s sleep begins,

the pressing grey, the chilling winds.

But winter silence encourages me

to put on my boots and venture out.

Diamond dew and frosty touch to face,

Oh, walking is my saving grace.

Spring’s light calling, the dawn of song,

the heralding chorus, new life budding strong.

How spring charms entice me

to put on my boots and venture out.

My gaze is sharp and quickens pace

Oh, walking is my saving grace.

Summer light uplifting, soft foliage green,

the blooming flowers, nature’s pastel scene.

How summer emboldens me

to put on my boots and venture out.

For movement is good, a compelling case

Oh, walking is my saving grace.

@HelenMarshall November 2024

Emailing this entry to a friend and fellow writer, including poems, I wondered if the final line should have said:

‘ How walking is my saving grace to give it a final impact but breaking the pattern. I’m awaiting feedback.

I posted this on my Substack account earlier and it’s certainly been the most successful post to date there and I currently have 32 subscribers in about two and half months. It’s good to see the people who have identified with this work and re-stacked it ( shared) with comments and thoughts.

It’s a lovely community and I’m really enjoying it over there. I’m keeping this site going because of holding the domain name, and for all the other pages/references and links on this wordpress site which I don’t have on that other platform. I have put months of work into this here and my few friends who read this are not on Substack. I’m happy for the two in run in partnership with each other.

What’s next:

To follow on from this week, next week is about the word rhythm and the rhythm of life. Given poetry is central to this word, it’s another good lead on from this post. I started next week’s audio today and that was special because of what happened after the recording. Come back to find out next week. It was a great short walk.

Until then…..

Coping with Autumn and Winter- a six month journaling experience.

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Coping with Autumn and Winter- a six month journaling experience.
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( The audio is not a transcript but accompanying thoughts for this post and why I did this)

The following in Italics are small extracts from my journal following these last two seasons. I struggle with both, and by writing an account it set me on a path to discover any patterns of behaviours, or triggers (positively or negatively) influencing how I felt during these these times.

 As I was writing I was consciously and unconsciously putting systems in place to help me, as I discovered how I was feeling. I’m glad I did this and now wish to share the main points as I wrote about the changing seasons, the weather, nature what was happening and my mental health. These extracts are in note form and are not intended to be grammatically perfect.

31st August: Blue flowers in fields against Elderflowers and red berries. Summer and autumn are starting to merge. A lot to look forward to. Some nerves about being back teaching tomorrow after a month off from the Farm.

3rd September- Cloud, damp, everything has suddenly changed, change here too. Work stress, internet down at home, mood lower already. Tinnitus up, need to stay calm and steady.

20th September- we had a full harvest moon. The bush outside my house seems redder with the berries. Mood is restored as calmer house resumes. Already starting to plan for Christmas.

Revisting these early entries have already given me some thoughts about why doing this exercise has been so helpful. The emerging patterns of feelings what triggers any stress and why do I find this time so challenging?

Some people love winter, but for me, it seems heavy, and when weighted down by external events, it feels like you are bashing against an increasing cold wind and barrier. Traditionally, this has always been the most worrying time, the Christmas bills, heating, the cost of Christmas itself, various birthdays and the cars which had to be serviced, taxed and insured weighed heavy on my mind.

At the end of September, I went on a canal boat retreat and the attendees wrote about this transition of autumn through to winter. I journaled about how I felt about it in the past, compared to how I was attempting to feel differently about it now. It was a lovely day of deep writing and travel along the river at Ely. My daughter and I attended and it was great to connect with like-minded women.

Retreat day:

Autumn past:

“The fall of the leaves shows the darkness of that bare place, branches cut, barren and lifeless. I dreaded the clocks going back. It felt like I was going backwards with them. Time sat heavy and foreboding of the winter ahead.”

Autumn present:

 I don’t know how it changed. It started from that golden ball of light and liberation within. The lighter self, the clouds of fog and depression gone, and it was like the shutters from my eyes were blown away to renewal, not death and darkness but harvest and hope.

This showed me how I associated the winter and the dark days ahead with my past depression notably occurring in 1999 and 2010. I went on to write that this season (autumn) should be about preparing and self-care for what lay ahead, taking stock and harvesting all the bounty of the spring and summer months.

“ I stand in the forest and see the golden greens and browns of effort and energy in front of me and know that this autumn is not an end but only a time to evaluate and to see what has worked. The soil is enriched with my leaves of activity, returning to the earth ready to sit quietly through the winter months, ready to step forth into the spring with a newness, a bud, a flower ready to begin again.”

I was full of buoyed-up optimism at this point. After the retreat, I write of seeing the Northern Lights in October, of the mists coming, and how the light continued to change in November. I planted cyclamen with their bright colours to see from my chair in the lounge overlooking our small garden, and booked a wreath-making workshop for Christmas. Something to look forward to seemed the way to get through this period. My daughter who finds winter equally stressful was doing similar things.

17th November- Harder- illness soon arrives with the autumn colours.

(Having a small toddler in our family now meant that we were being bathed in childhood germs).

 Hand, Foot and Mouth wiped out most of November and lingering colds, though I was staying strong and virus-free up to this point elevated by Vitamin D, Zinc and Magnesium from my Joint supplements. My daughter’s plans for little activities to look forward to were largely wiped out from her calendar with quiet resignation. The wreath making workshop never happened and we did ours at home for my daughter’s 30th birthday.

26th November- Feeling like I have come out of a mini tunnel.

I had been to Oxford to see my aunt and as I entered the door back home, I didn’t come out the other side until now.

8th December- Possibly taking up a weather journal next year.

I had connected with a local village on Facebook and a guy was writing a weather report each day. I read and commented every day, showing my appreciation and encouragement, knowing what it feels like to write into thin air for no one to comment or possibly even look. My roots of loving the weather returned no matter what it threw at us.

This was a new activity. New activities I realised helped me. Husband says I’m happiest when I have something on the go. I also wrote:

“ Christmas, you go through this with high expectations only to see the hope dwindle with the light. Early Christmas planning is key.”

15th December- I take up poetry again after witnessing a glorious sunset. “ A Sunset by Little Thetford.” A small snippet.

“December midline and already fading

The Winter Solstice soon

Turns nature’s wheel again

Shifting time,

 I move on.”

18th December- The first snowdrops in the garden.  This winter has gone quickly so far.

3rd January weekend away with my lovely friend Sue to see at the ROH Cinderella in London. Pure magic and what a wonderful two days away.

8th January. There has been frost, rain and winds. Birds finally returned to the bird feeders today after hanging them up on Boxing Day and waiting.

The new term of teaching begins. Vanessa Thomas’ Mindful Narrowboat has been a beautiful find. (YouTube) Her journals were being bought for my birthday.

I started to feed the birds again and going out and recording winter bird songs. The robin I can now identify and the house sparrow. I can pick out a Tit but not know which one yet.)

18th January- A weather journal started since the New Year and a gratitude journal.

 I had started morning walks and this was helping me want to get up and get on. The gratitude journal comprised one main event of the day and three things to be thankful for. Research says it’s powerful but it felt quite functional at first. It grows on you and the feeling increases as to the effect of it. Both are ongoing and I’m committed to completing them for the year.

25th January.  Had a nice birthday. Quiet, spent at home. Susan and her husband came to visit. We had cake and I made soup. It was just what I wanted as I had had a big 60th birthday party last year. I went out for a walk and the sky was blue.

9th February

Illness, virus, hard, SED feel it in its grip, sitting no good, combined with malaise and grey, comfort in words, reading and writing. I’m an armchair hiker and traveller ( Reading Salt Path, plus sequel). I need to go to the nature reserve again. I feel its call. Trees for me are a healing place. Looking out of the window, there have been mists. The time has felt like a tunnel again. Only outside and fresh air can help.

14th February

Antibiotics (tonsillitis been ill since 27th Jan), blue skies this afternoon – the light is returning both physically and mentally. We are nearly out of this tunnel. Being outside and walking are two factors that I shall carry with me as remedies for surviving winter, even if the weather is terrible.

Had hit a terrible low by this point and my brain I felt was failing. Even got the name wrong on one of my substacks posts about my dog. I was forgetting things, stewing about the past, ruminating and this felt like a deep crisis. I turned to meditation, prayers, breathing and simply acknowledging past grieves and regrets. There were powerful conversations at home.

20th February. I walk Paige (daughter’s greyhound) at 17.30 and it was still twilight. Real progress with the light now. It’s becoming warmer too. (I don’t think it was but maybe I felt warmer as the end of winter was fast approaching.) The tulip heads are showing more in the planted tub outside. Tomorrow, I walk.

28th February

“ So we end this section here after six months of observations of autumn, through winter and out the other side. I shall do it again next autumn and winter to make any comparisons (given any changes). The daffodils are out and blue skies, The birds were singing at 10.00 am.

28th February continues

“Recording here has been a useful anchor point as this winter, with so much illness, has been the toughest winter yet. Spring really does pave the way for change, hope and a new tomorrow.

Tonight is the planetary alignment.”

Reflections:

At the end of this record, I was sitting on a swing in a local park breathing the air saying we have done this. A friend had sent a song for me to listen to. I smiled and thought my friends are such treasures. I would not swap my life for anyone’s because I have these people in my world. My family of course are vital but I want to acknowledge here how friends really are a lifeline.

Having read this fourth draft back, I realise that I was putting in place further strategies and systems as each new challenge or feeling arose.

My brain health has become a priority over anything else. I have placed an emphasis on the physical but now this shifts.

More sleep, I go to bed regularly and earlier and the morning walks I have noticed help me sleep better.

Move, really move more. I have started some indoor exercise on YouTube to old 1970’s 80’s music. Exercise has got to be something you enjoy, otherwise you just don’t do it.

Less screens: did some research on this and my grey matter and hippocampus have clearly shrunk due to 15 years of phone and screen time. I am saying wrong words I’ve noticed called ‘slip of the tongue’ and stress can do this. Cognitively I have lost a lot of confidence in my ability to process things.

Truly, I have even been quite paranoid about early dementia but I don’t fit the early warning signs, apart from what I have just mentioned. I’m a high-functioning individual but running a self-employed teaching business has meant 24/7 hustle and effort since 2018 and I am tired. I realise I have been close to burnout and I know what care responsibilities mean. I am also slowly doing some more teacher training to keep the numbers in my classrooms buoyant and fresh with new ideas and improved teaching methodology. My life like many of us is a juggling act.

No daytime TV. It’s on here for hours at a time for my husband but I am not being sucked into it.

I have been worried about walking in isolated places on my own and tend to stick to safe streets, but these are becoming boring around my housing estate. I want to be out in the wild. I tried to sell my little commute bike but had no luck. Maybe that was meant to be. The bike is being oiled and I plan to bike out a bit, walk and then get back on it again and bike off should I feel the need to. I think it will give me more security and I can go out further quicker, especially on workdays when time is less.

If I can next year, I want to take a proper winter holiday with warmth and sun. The endless grey at times has been so hard.

Big observation: Winter and Christmas are not the same. They are together but they both need to be dealt with separately. They are both stresses in different ways. Recognising the need to get early Christmas planning was a lifesaver for this last one and it will be started even earlier this year( the commercial aspect to it) which I hate. This will leave the way clear to just deal with winter as it unfolds, plus any spiritual celebrations.

Markers and rituals; Turning my seasonal photos over in their picture frame and my picture of nature’s wheel have felt grounding.

So work in progress. Has anything jumped out for you here? I would love to know. One thing that jumped out for me is how many times I have used the word tunnel.

If you have struggled with this last six months or experience Seasonal Effective disorder , I would really encourage you to do this. I have gained so much from this experience to move forward for next time. For now Spring is here and I am so glad.

Full circle, I am in Oxford again and taking a break next week. I shall be back here on Wednesday the 19th March.

Until then……

Pilgrimages and are you a Pilgrim? You may be surprised.

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Following on from last week’s post, I have decided to continue this theme of what it means to be a pilgrim, and why I think many of us could be one, even if we have never made a connection with the word to ourselves.

So, firstly what does this word mean? Before I dive straight into the Oxford Online Dictionary, I’m going to pause and write my own definition and then see how this translates to the formal linguistic definition.

Pilgrimage- my definition:

To go on a walk of intention to a set destination for the purpose of a spiritual encounter.

 For the literal definition here it is: Note, I haven’t taken the first definition in this link if you should want to look at the reference but this one because I think that’s what most people would agree on.

“ A trip, often a long one, made to a holy place for religious reasons.”

I have quoted here The National Trust’s description which I think gives a richer meaning of what it means to be a pilgrim.

“A pilgrimage is a devotional practice consisting of a prolonged journey, often undertaken on foot or horseback, toward a specific destination of significance. It is an inherently transient experience, removing the participant from his or her home environment and identity. The means or motivations in undertaking a pilgrimage might vary, but the act, however performed, blends the physical and the spiritual into a unified experience.”

A brief history of the pilgrim:

We think of pilgrims as walkers to specific religious buildings or places undertaken by both Christians and Muslims. For the purposes of this post, I mention a few of the most popular destinations in the UK, not because the walks to Mecca and the Muslim faith are not equally important, but because I draw from my own Christian experiences and historical interests. The picture below is one I took on a walk at Spilsby in the Lincolnshire Wolds in 2021.

 Often, these are long journeys with a set path, resting at various intervals along the way. The last reference mentions the 12th Century in the UK as a Golden Age of pilgrimages. They span over centuries and are a focal point for people seeking miracles, redemption, the forgiveness of sins, and prayerful encounters with a divine Deity. Henry VIII visited the Slipper Chapel twice with his first wife Catherine of Aragon leaving money and lighting candles at Walsingham.

For me, I love the Anglican shrine at Walsingham. A place I crave when I seek peace, and quiet and I often take the Holy Spring water there and write my own prayer requests and light a candle. Henry VIII’s Dissolution of the Monasteries from 1536 robbed us of many precious religious sites such as the Abbey at Walsingham, though I firmly believe King Henry never left his Catholic faith to embrace the Reformation during this period.

 Other Popular Pilgrimage walks and destinations in the UK:

The first one that springs to mind is Canterbury Cathedral, a place I have longed to visit again. I remember my parents taking me as a child and I distinctly remember the place where Thomas Beckett was slain by the knights of Henry II and how the Guide removed his hat in respect to the cannonised Archbishop of Canterbury. You can read a fuller historical account here.

And of course, as a lover of the Northumberland landscape and who could happily retire there to higher ground, away from the exposed landscape to flooding where I live, we cannot forget Lindisfarne, a place well known for miracles and its association with St Cuthbert.

Closer to home we have the famous Peddars Way where Pilgrims would rest on their way to Walsingham. It dates back to AD 61 when it was built by the Romans across East Anglia. It runs from Knettishall Health in Suffolk to the North Norfolk Coast near Hunstanton. Peddar comes from the Latin word ‘Pedester’ which means on foot and is part of the Norfolk Coast Path National Trail.

A local resting place- The Red Mount King’s Lynn:

Built between 1483 and 1485 this octagonal chapel was built, not only to bring trade into the town but as a resting place for pilgrims on their way to Walsingham. Made of Tudor brick it’s shaped with a buttress at each corner and is open to the public on National Heritage Days. I couldn’t help but think how cold it must have been, even though I saw a small fireplace inside. The walk of the Pilgrim was certainly a hard one.

Our travels:

Can we take this word and create a more modern secular definition? I think we can.

I know of friends who take off seeking family ancestry, churches, and buildings in connection with their own place in history, or people who walk for spiritual comfort, myself included, and who travel to set destinations for intentions of nourishment for physical and mental healing and rest. I feel these are all pilgrimages in some form, even if there isn’t a religious building at the end of the road.

And forgive me for mentioning ‘The Salt Path’ by Raynor Winn yet again, but wasn’t that an incredible pilgrimage to find forgiveness, healing, and hope, even if the walkers didn’t confess to any scriptural belief set? If you haven’t read my blog post book review, then take a look, you will find it listed on the right of this blog site, if you go to this site’s home page.

Furthermore, I have heard on TV programs about walks where walkers have found the church door open for rest and to find a quiet space. This is personally why I like to visit them and my retreats are not only to Walsingham but to the Lincolnshire Wolds where I see this as a very special place unspoiled, wild, and liberating. I come away totally restored.

In conclusion:

Are you a pilgrim? Could you be seeking your own pilgrimage?

I hope this blog post has given you some insight into this subject that maybe you too would like to take a rucksack and some time out to walk on a journey of discovery, and an end point where you feel refreshed and fulfilled. You may discover something more, or about yourself, than just a landmark at the end of the road.

Until next time….

Walking Steps and Sewing Needles

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Footsteps Conversations
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Walking Steps and Sewing Needles
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The Coats of Hopes Pilgrimage Exhibition.

What a simple yet wonderful idea, started by one person concerned about climate change and who wanted to do something about it. And there could be no better way than to create something quite extraordinary, not with words but still with hands. This time the pen was exchanged for a sewing needle.

Welcome to the Coat of Hopes exhibition that I was fortunate enough to see, visiting two places near to where I live. I was so drawn to this story. In response to our ever-increasing concerns about the future of our planet, the coat was started as one piece of sewing to be worn on a walk starting from Newhaven in August 2021 to the COP 26 Glasgow, UN Climate Change conference.

Sewing hopes and feelings into the fabric:

As you can see from the pictures below, people have been invited to contribute to the coat, sewing, weaving and embroidering their hopes, grief, memories, tributes, and feelings into this living piece of work, as it walks its way along the UK. Covering over 1500 miles so far, and resting in various places as a pilgrim of peace whilst carrying an important message that climate change is urgent.

I first saw it in The Minster in King’s Lynn on February 7th and thought, why not follow its journey, as it moved on to Ely Cathedral? So, I made a short journey to Ely the next week to view it there, light a candle and pause to think about my place in the world, and within the environmental emergency facing us today, as we all live in our ever-consuming world.

A close friend and I went to The Minster together. We met an old teaching colleague who was with a school party from the local Greyfriars Academy. We had both worked there as teaching assistants. This was a very happy time of my work life, and it was so good to see children drawing their own patches in pencils and crayons that will be locally exhibited. Children are the future custodians of our planet and the more aware they are of the need to care for it, then our world may still have a chance.

The coat moved on:

On my next visit to Ely, my husband David came along with me. We spoke to a Guide who was from America and who had been living in the UK for a while. We had a conversation about the alarming political changes in the West, the awful conflicts going on and man’s desire to conquer and claim through bombs, terror and ideologies. Whilst this was a serious conversation, it was also uplifting to know there are so many kindred spirits who have a deep desire for justice, humanity, and care and who stand in unity for world peace.

However, what was a piece of serendipity was when we popped into the gift shop on the way out and saw a distinct display of, by now, familiar drawings waiting for me, as a nudge that we are all on our own pilgrimages.

“ Oh, look David” I said. “ It’s Angela Harding’s drawings from the book The Salt Path” having never encountered anything like them before. So many lovely gifts to choose from and I was tempted by the notebooks (but I have so many) that I chose a paperweight instead.

Freedom to fly, and freedom to just ‘be’ were the thoughts that came to mind. Come home and sit on my writing desk and write with me, I thought, as I looked at the beautiful glass artwork. We are all walking and flying together through life.

Where next?

The Coat of Hope Exhibition will leave Ely on the 21st of February and will be walked to Norwich Cathedral. You can see from the image below some information concerning the Coat’s progress.

The aim is to keep going with more people sewing and walking until finally a pivotal point comes when the whole world realises that we are all going to have to work together if we have any hope left of saving this planet.

In my own corner of the world, it is predicted that within the next forty years, with the increased warming of the oceans, King’s Lynn will be under the sea, most of Lincolnshire gone and my town in Southwest Norfolk will be on the edge of survival.

How can I leave this not on a sombre note?

People and projects, scientists and researchers are working hard to find solutions to our climate crisis. We must hope that it is not too late, and that we can find some way for everyone to have a place in our modern world. Where we can reap the benefits of civilisation, the progress in better health ( having just finished a course of penicillin myself) that man can thrive, but crucially that animals, wildlife and ecosystems can live with us.

There is enough for all of us, but we have to share and we need to respect all living creatures. We must challenge corporate greed, have practical and sustainable ways to work and travel, and where money and power are seen to be all races to the bottom.

Time to embrace a pilgrimage on thinking about what truly matters most.

What matters most to you?

Until next time, when I will continue this theme on the history of pilgrimages and why people walk on them.

Water, Watching, Walking- The Life of a Mindful Narrow Boater

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There is no audio this week. Rain and a persistent throat virus prevent me from taking a walk and recording a message. I have a feeling though I am too soft. Rain, sore throat and an ear ache wouldn’t have stopped the subject of this week’s blog and certainly not the people in last week’s.

( All photos were taken along Ely River on my narrow boat trip last year)


Has Winter felt long this year? It has for me, but a recent discovery as we sit and brave out the dark nights has arrived in the form of a YouTube channel called ‘The Mindful Narrow Boat’ by Vanessa Thomas. The benefits of nature, wildlife, sunshine, walking, travelling and being outside are laid out on our screens for all to see as we float along the canals with her, be it in our armchairs.With her unique brand of creativity, she shares her life on a narrow boat with her dog Zephyr. I am sure her husband helps in the background, but she is the sole presenter.


I’m not drawn to water, not being a swimmer, but there is something about the narrow boat life that is appealing. I am an Aquarian, the sign of the water carrier, so perhaps something of that element is within me waiting to be explored. However, I think it has more to do with the gentle pace of this life and the undeniable fact that if we are to re-wild our most nature-deprived country in Europe then water has a huge role to play in its recovery.


You may remember, in another blog, my experience of a writing retreat day on a narrow boat in Ely last year. I can see why I enjoyed it so much. To be carried by the water and the soothing sound of the boat’s engine, watching the swaying reed beds and soaking up, what was then a September day, did an enormous amount of good for my well-being. A new teaching term meant that I was reviving up the work engine and this outing was a gentle way back into this after the long summer break.

( This picture reminded me of The Mindful Narrow Boater’s own boxed garden on her barge. I love it)


But I also think her enormous following says more than just her fascinating account of her life, as she washes in local history, walks, beautiful filming of wildlife and brews tea at the end (as we all wait to see what she is putting on her plate this week) in the form of cake or some tasty snack.


More of us want to ‘get-away-from-it-all ’ the increase in motor home and camper van sales, the caravans and the rambles in the countryside, not to mention the increase in flights and seeking different holiday destinations. Also, the picking up a tent and taking off with wild camping such as we saw in last week’s blog The Salt Path.


We live in an ever-fast-paced world, of noise, screens and technology. I think most of us want to slow down, decompress, go on a walk, pick up a book, or camera and just breathe. For me, the escape on a Friday night (when new Vlogs are released) helps me forget the world and become absorbed in that week’s environment. Vanessa moors and steps off her narrow boat taking us on walks to fascinating museums, towns, mill factories and other buildings of the past Industrial Revolution. This appeals to my deep love of history as well as nature.


In saying this, I am under no illusion this is not an easy life as this week’s episode mentions the practicalities of seeking water, gas, and refuse collection points as well as the fitness required to deal with the opening and closing of locks. The latter seems monotonous and tedious and it slows you down.


 It doesn’t appear you can get anywhere fast on a narrow boat, but maybe that’s the advantage. You must have patience, time and a mindset of facing challenges posed by the elements as you face each lock, one at a time. There are lessons to be learnt here as we face our own locks of obstacles, setbacks and challenges methodically overcome with patience and persistence.

( This one is a connection to the two swans in this week’s Vlog)


This brings me back to ‘The Salt Path’, a journey completed on land, not water but there is a close, unbreakable force in a relationship with the outside world. Respecting this was key to the walker’s survival and respecting the land. I suspect this is just as much for Vanessa’s life as it was for Ray and Moth’s.


At the end of each week’s Vlog, the icing on the cake for me is, once the tea is brewed, then we catch a glimpse into this week’s capture of life in poems and exquisite coloured pencil drawings of birds, flora and other observations in her journal pages, which this author and illustrator sells on Etsy. They are divine and utterly gorgeous. I bought the two back copies and will buy the 2024 edition recently released. I won’t photograph mine for copyright reasons.


So, I would encourage you to take a look, as Patrons grow (the only YouTube channel I have ever signed up to) coffees bought and subscribers continue to rise. Vanessa is truly worthy of our support and one day we want to go to Manchester to experience part of this landscape first-hand. For now, Cornwall is the first destination.


Until next time…….


(On a related side note, the film ‘The Salt Path’ mentioned in last week’s blog’s release date is April 25th). The trailer is out and it looks epic.